GOD IS GOOD......REALLY!!!

Lily asked Jesus to be her forever friend tonight

Lily was at church tonight and prayed and asked Jesus to come live in her heart. We are so thankful for all  the wonderful people who have come along side of us and shown Lily the love that Jesus has for her.

snow day......quiet time.....new normal

I we have found a new normal, settled in, became a new family, and now its time to stop living in survival mode and move into a more productive, "educational" home school. I think we are all ready to be the Ferrell family and not "lily's new family. whenever you add a new child to a family the dynamics change, you have to figure out where everyone fits and adjust accordingly. easier said then done! But with Gods help I believe we have arrived at that place:) and it feels right.


I have been sitting in a starbucks with my laptop and 5 in a row requesting books from the library for the past hour and a half while there are 8 children at my home. well children is not totally accurate, one is 18 and many are over 13, but it is a little scary none the less:)
this is an exercise in letting go of control for me. and it has been WONDERFUL!

I can not believe what a couple hours away from the "waiting work" does to my state of mind. Not having to look at it helps me stay focused and get 4 times as much done then when im in the middle of it.
and now I am finding myself WANTING  to go back:)

I also took some time to go out with new friends last night who have all adopted from Asia and had a blast. then sat and laughed and cried with a friend in the hospital until after midnight.
I think when you spend your life pouring into your children and family you forget to get away from all the demands  to reflect, plan, and breath.

here that????? its me exhaling:)

meatball calzones for 12 for under $10 (my spellcheck and I have NO idea how to spell it!)

I made these today and they were a big hit! if you buy the ingredients at Sams it cost about $8.00 to make 4 cookie sheet length calzones. I fed 4 teenage boys, 3 teenage girls, 2 little girls and 2 adults and had 1 entire calzone left.

dough
3 cups water
1T yeast
1/4C sugar
1t salt
1T minced garlic
6-8C flour

mix 1c very warm water, yeast and sugar, let sit for 20min
add garlic, 2c water, salt, and 4c flour
mix for 5 min with mixer or kitchen aid mixer attachment
add rest of flour and mix with dough hook or by hand for 10 min. or until it does not stick to bowl or counter top.

separate into 4 equal parts and let rise for 30min.

roll each one out to 18 in. wide and as long as your cookie sheet
*stuff one at a time and cook 2 at a time
stuff each one with 1/4 jar spaghetti sauce, a single roll of meatballs and 1-2c of mozzarella cheese, leaving 4in. at the top and 1in on each side and at the bottom.,
roll from the bottom as tight as you can pinching the ends into the roll
cook for 25-30 min @ 425

this was the LEFTOVERS! not pretty:) but it will fill 6 lunches:)

sledding-20min---getting bundled-30min.....getting undressed-10 min. hot bath- 45 min... these pictures.....timeless:)

fun in  the snow!! It took much longer to get them bundled and unbundled then they spent out it the snow:) Im sure the warm bath will last longer then both....LOL

Lily finds a good friend.

this is the story from Lily's friends perspective. it's well writen so i thought i would be lazy and just copy it :)

Annalyn finds her best friend! Warning: this is the condensed version, but it is still long. On Tues, I was casually looking through our agency's waiting child list. Annalyn always wants to know what I am doing on the computer. I scrolled down the page to show her the kids that have familes...and she saw her picture and seemed happy. She started frantically looking for someone...

We figured out that she was looking for the only little girl in her photo album that the orphanage gave us. Apparently, she lived next door and they were so close that they both call each other "sister" (very common in China). With the he...lp of my Chinese friend, we figured out her Chinese name in letters and that she was 10 years old and had been adopted by an American family not long before Annalyn. I sent out an email to the yahoo group praying that her family was on there. The next day we got an email from her American family. They live in Toledo, Ohio! Only 692 miles away! Her American name is Lily! Besides the miracle of finding her, you need to pull out your tissues for this next part. Earlier in the day on Tues, before any of this happened, Annalyn was reading her Chinese/English book that we bought her in China. She came to a page that had a lot of flowers on it. She kept going on and on about the lilies. "Mommy, lily is sooooo pretty. Mommy, I like lily 900! Mommy, I want lily." On and on and on about the lily. She had no way of knowing her best friend's American name. Ok, I will invest in a box of tissues for everyone. Blessings.
Amy

God is amazing:) only He could be writing this story:) I have talked to Amy at length, we are kindred spirits and are excited about this new friendship.

6th month post placement visit

the 7th of Jan. marked Lily's 5th month in America. therefor we had a 6 month post placement visit this week.

The day started out very hard. I was up 2 hours late, was sick and the older kids had left the house a total mess! I was about to turn into the wicked witch of the west when I was reminded of what I am learning in a Bible study that Im doing with Dee Breston. I took a deep breath, asked God to speak to my heart and what he said took my breath away.
YOUR HOUSE BEING PERFECT IS NOT A REFLECTION OF YOUR WORTH AS A PERSON!

 Now if you know me this is a new concept for me! I was able to calm down, let go of the anger which was stemming from my feeling out of control, and clean the house enough that the health department was not going to shut me down. Was it like I WANTED it, no! Was it ordered and clean...yes.

JESUS IS CRAZY IN LOVE WITH ME WHETHER MY HOUSE IS CLEAN OR NOT. HE WANTS TO DANCE THIS DANCE CALLED LIFE WITH ME AND LET HIM LEAD.

we have a wonderful social worker Therese who was very gracious and assured me that she would never expect a house with 5 kids in it to be spotless. She was so kind and encouraging and let me know that I was doing a great job. WOW thanks God.

Im not sure when I started to measure my worth as a person by how well a kept house and trained my kids. I think it was a gradual thing. I want so bad to be a great mom and wife and somehow I started using the measuring stick of "having a clean house" and "having kids who obeyed me all the time without question". well if you know my kids you know the last one was not working out so good for me:) so I guess somewhere down the road I kinda felt that all i had left was a clean house.

PRIDE, thats what it is, PRIDE. and not the good kind. the kind that makes you want to be better then everyone else, the kind that makes you feel worthless when you don't live up to your own unrealistic standards, the kind that blames everyone around you when things are not going the way YOU want them to. the kind that makes you NEED control....... its an ugly thing and I am determined to get rid of it.

        don't get me wrong, I will never be on Hoarders:), I still feel like taking care of your home is a part of taking care of your family ... but it's just that....a PART of taking care of your family.... Its not the end..its the means to the end. I had started to let it be the END.

    Soooo this is my thank you note to God! thanks for being so patient with me and loving enough to mold me into a vessel you can use. 

Lily's friend finds her

     I got an e-mail today from the yahoo group for adoptions from Wuhan. It said that a little girl who was adopted 2 months ago was looking for her very special friend Wu guo an. Lily is the only person from China that she has asked for since she has been adopted. they lived next door to each other and their foster moms are best friends. in fact wu ai an's foster mom helped to make the purses that we got as gifts from Lily's foster mom!!!!! Only God
     Lily had a hard time with the reunion as did Annalyn (Wu Ai an's american name) they looked at each other and said hi and then Annalyn ran off and Lily got all nervous. Lily wanted to talk in english and poor Annalyn doesn't know enough yet.....sooooo Me and Amy (her mom) talked for an hour LOL!!
        One more little miracle in the midst of hundreds:) I don't know how i forget that God is passionately in love with me.....he shows me every day in the big and the small things. the beautiful white snow, a warm house to watch it from, a soft couch to lay down on when im sick, loud kids to keep me from sleeping on it so I can sleep at night:)
Thanks you for loving us so much Jesus!

"you make beautiful things out of us"

Wow, Wow, Wow
God had been so faithful to our family. I am so humbled and grateful when i look around my busy home and see all that God has healed and perfected in spite of me. my deep desire to control everyone has often made everyone around me miserable. And yet God has chosen to take my kids hearts and turn them to himself. He has taken my loaf and few fishes and turned them into all my family needed.

All any of us can do is give each day to HIM. we can not control any of it, we can only be willing to be used by our loving Savior, sit at his feet and listen as he guides us. Humility is what He craves most. Our complete surrender to HIS plan and not our own.

How hard this is for me, I know until I am in heaven standing next to Him I will struggle with wanting to control all that is in my world, but I pray every day that I will be a vessel willing to be used by HIM for HIS plan and not just my own:)

"do you love Jesus"

"Do you love Jesus"
this is the question Lily asked the woman behind us in line at Kohls. Lily and Emma have been telling me how much they Love Jesus all day, that he took all the selfishness and jealousy from their hearts and helped them to love each other! It has been good week. The girls are asking so many questions about God and adoption and Love....His spirit has been thick around here.

That's the good news

My response to the question Lily asked the unsuspecting woman in line??? I WAS EMBARRASSED! Embarrassed??? really??? is that not what we should all be doing every day? Shouldn't we all be so excited about how much God loves us that we just want to share Him with all we meet? shouldn't we be so in awe of how  His spirit is changing us that we want to shout it from the roof tops?

I am humbled by me sweet little girls once again

and the woman said "yes", that she had loved Jesus longer then they had:),"because she has been here longer" said Emma:)

Sooooo....are you so excited about what Jesus is doing in your heart that you can't help but share it with the world????? yep, me either, but after today I'm determined to get there.

lily's lessons

forgiveness leads to joy

how slow we are to forgive some times. how many of us hold on to a hurt from 20 years ago like it was yesterday? I am in awe of Lily's total forgiveness of all those who have hurt her, she doesn't even realize that's what it is, she just does not hold any bitterness inside her heart.
she has been hurt in many ways, physically abused, abandoned, taken from all she knew and yet her capacity to give and receive love is nothing short of miraculous.
Her pure Joy is evidence of her total forgiveness.

Do you need to forgive someone today???

big or little things, small irritations to full out abuse can shut our heart up and keep us from joy.

i have wonderful friends!

thank you all of you who sent me encouraging e-mails. God is an amazing God and I know that he will heal her heart. one friend sent me a scripture referance that i want  to share with you. 

Isaiah 61:1-4.  Cyndi this is the job Jesus was sent to do.  Only He can heal Lily's brokenness!  He has promised binding up for the brokenhearted, freedom for the captives, release from darkness for prisoners, comfort for those who mourn, a crown of beauty, the oil of gladness, garment of praise, and they will become oaks of righteousness to display HIS splendor!!

thanks to all of you who sent encouraging words, God is so good and Lily is doing really well.

what do you say to a child when she tells you her "tummy mommy" "threw her away"

today when we were reading about Abraham and how God asked him to leave his homeland we got to talking about how Lily had a similar experience. After a while she said "I not leave tummy mommy, only china mommy, tummy mommy threw me in the trash"
OK then, what do you say to that? I told her that "tummy mommy" tried to care for her but she was sick and she couldn't so she left her at the orphange so she could be taken care of.....honestly, I have no idea what really happened but that seemed a little less harsh!
I saw the faces of those sitting  around us (we were waiting for an X-ray on Ellie, story for another time) and I realised that this was not a conversation that most overhear everyday. I got these looks that were somewhere between horror and pitty...
Oh how I need wisdom, how I need grace, how i need to hold back the tears until I can shed them without the waiting room audience.
God, you can heal Lily's heart, use me in the process, but I leave the healing to your all mighty hands.