The day started out very hard. I was up 2 hours late, was sick and the older kids had left the house a total mess! I was about to turn into the wicked witch of the west when I was reminded of what I am learning in a Bible study that Im doing with Dee Breston. I took a deep breath, asked God to speak to my heart and what he said took my breath away.
YOUR HOUSE BEING PERFECT IS NOT A REFLECTION OF YOUR WORTH AS A PERSON!
Now if you know me this is a new concept for me! I was able to calm down, let go of the anger which was stemming from my feeling out of control, and clean the house enough that the health department was not going to shut me down. Was it like I WANTED it, no! Was it ordered and clean...yes.
JESUS IS CRAZY IN LOVE WITH ME WHETHER MY HOUSE IS CLEAN OR NOT. HE WANTS TO DANCE THIS DANCE CALLED LIFE WITH ME AND LET HIM LEAD.
we have a wonderful social worker Therese who was very gracious and assured me that she would never expect a house with 5 kids in it to be spotless. She was so kind and encouraging and let me know that I was doing a great job. WOW thanks God.
Im not sure when I started to measure my worth as a person by how well a kept house and trained my kids. I think it was a gradual thing. I want so bad to be a great mom and wife and somehow I started using the measuring stick of "having a clean house" and "having kids who obeyed me all the time without question". well if you know my kids you know the last one was not working out so good for me:) so I guess somewhere down the road I kinda felt that all i had left was a clean house.
PRIDE, thats what it is, PRIDE. and not the good kind. the kind that makes you want to be better then everyone else, the kind that makes you feel worthless when you don't live up to your own unrealistic standards, the kind that blames everyone around you when things are not going the way YOU want them to. the kind that makes you NEED control....... its an ugly thing and I am determined to get rid of it.
don't get me wrong, I will never be on Hoarders:), I still feel like taking care of your home is a part of taking care of your family ... but it's just that....a PART of taking care of your family.... Its not the end..its the means to the end. I had started to let it be the END.
Soooo this is my thank you note to God! thanks for being so patient with me and loving enough to mold me into a vessel you can use.
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